HOME |
Suppliers |
Schedules |
Clubs |
Resources |
Subscriptions/Ads |
Contact OSN |
JOKES |
CONVENTIONS |
HOBBY SHOPS |
WRITING TIPS |
HALL OF FAME |
SUPPLIERS VIA MAIL |
|
|
Odd Rail News |
||||
| Q. How many Green Line Type 8's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None, because they keep falling off the ladder! For those who don't get it, the Type 8's were their cars that had perpetual derailments. |
| Q. Lets try this: How many Type 8's does it take to drill the yard? A. None, they keep falling off the ladder. Switching = drilling, and ladder refers to a row of switches that leads to yard tracks. |
| Q. How many NIMBY's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None, because they don't want it there! |
| Instead of using buses on the MBTA Silver Line, why not just use something like the Freedom Trail — paint a silver line over the route and let people walk. It's faster, cleaner, and less expensive to build and maintain than buses or light rail, and it won't take long to build. The MBTA could use railings along the sides of the walk to keep out freeloaders. |
| The Breda cars (Type 8's) are so ahead of their time, they try to switch to tracks that do not exist yet. |
| A duck and her son are walking with a subway rat, when the mother duck gets hit by a train. The duck and rat didn't know what animal they were, so the rat told the duck "you have yellow feathers, a bill and webbed feet — you must be a duck." The duckling says to the rat "your dirty, smelly, and everyone hates you — you must be the MBTA" |
| Q. Why did the Type 8s get assigned to the Green Line? A. Because they sit around so long that they start to grow grass! |
anonymous submission, anyone looking for credit? |
| At a commuter
train station a policeman noticed a woman driver bowed over the steering wheel of her car shaking hysterically..
'Is there anything wrong ma'am?' said the policeman. Half crying and half laughing the woman responded, 'For ten years I have driven my husband to the station to catch his train. He makes my mornings miserable — every morning for 10 years he has missed his train, until today. Ten years of listening to him go on and on and on telling me about how I make him lose out on enjoying his coffee and paper in peace. This morning he nagged me all the way to the station and we finally made his schedule. He is on HIS train!" 'Okay, said the policeman feeling a little confused, 'Then why are you laughing?' 'He doesn't work Saturdays and I am going out for the rest of the day!' |
It is beginning to seem natural to you that the telephone system, railroads, auto manufacturers, airlines, and power companies are privately run; you can remember back to the pre-Thatcher era when things were different, but you can't see things changing and don't have very strong feelings on the subject anyway.The train system is dreadful. Trains go much faster than cars, but never run on time, especially Virgin Trains.The railways were privatized for one reason alone. To generate wealth. In fact £1,097,000,000,000 pounds to date has been created out of thin air, 19% of this as profit to shareholders. It is a fallacy to think you can run railways with concern to safety when the very existence of these companies is to return as large a profit as possible. The two contradict each other — directly. |
| Awarded to British Rail by the British Sunday Express, for ingeniously solved the problem of lateness in the InterCity express train service by redefining "on time" to include trains arriving within one hour of schedule. |
|
'Virgin Trains are better than British Rail... it takes an hour longer, but it's better' Anon. UK |
| "Virgin Trains has a series of advertisements, depicting a row of androgynous, but naked bottoms, and the slogan: 'We're putting more seats on our trains.' The temptation to add a graffito 'Virgin Trains: We're run by a lot of silly arses' has been almost overwhelming.'" Anon. UK |
| 'There is a simple, easily comprehensible answer to the question 'Why Do I Always Get The Lunatic On The Train.' The answer, is of course Privatization. The reason that I always have a mad person sitting next to me is that every single passenger is by definition a raving loony. No reasonably sane person would consider using the service.' Anon. UK Virgin Train Passenger |
| The small commuter railway in Helsingborg, Sweden
closed down in 1971. The line had been troubled with all kinds of technical and human problems for years. On this
particular day, the engineer of the two-car train realized midway through his shift that his conductor was missing.
Fearing the conductor might have fallen overboard, the engineer told the bewildered passengers to get into the second car which he parked on a side rail and then drove the first car slowly back along the line. Extremely worried about his colleague, he carefully surveyed the track and its surroundings. After about 30 minutes he had doubled back to the last station. To his great relief he found out the conductor had been left behind at this stop, but, after a lot of swearing and cursing, had taken a taxi to the next station in order to catch up. The engineer, raced back to his passengers and proceeded to the next station. By the time they got there, the conductor had given up waiting for the train, assuming that the train had gone back to the station where he was left behind. Another wild taxi ride back to the first station did not bring a solution to their problems either, because by the time he got there, the train had already left. Waiting at the next station, a passenger got an idea to use the phone to call the first station where the conductor was and they told the conductor where his train was. One more taxi trip, and the engineer, the conductor and some not so happy passengers were reunited. Needless to say, the railroad was slightly miffed to find out why the train was delayed for several hours, especially since the resourceful passenger who had the idea to use the phone to locate the conductor, had also used the station phone to call the local newspapers with the story. |
It was plain the
stranger was suffering from an excess of alcoholic stimulant. He wavered and lurched and wabbled as he ran to catch
the trolley car; he slipped and almost fell as he swung aboard; he trampled on the toes of those who rode upon
the rear platform and at length when he fell into a seat he struck with considerable violence a somewhat testy
gentleman alongside him. |
An old woman runs
to catch the streetcar in Berlin, makes it, and says; Thank God ! A Gestapo agent on the streetcar said: Woman
you are wrong. The streetcars run on time because of Adolph Hitler, so you should say: Thank Hitler. |
Never ever ask the tough looking gentleman wearing El Rukn headgear where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer." Chicago Reader 3/27/81 |
The CTA has complimentary pop-up timers available on request for overheated passengers. When your timer pops up, the driver will cheerfully baste you. Chicago Reader 5/28/82 |
nicknamed the Bohemian Zephyr (pre-1970's) |
Gentlemen:
|
| A weary businessman, at the end of
a long day that had turned into night boarded the 7:51 at Penn Station bound for Huntington. As usual, the train
was short, there were not enough seats, and being July, the A/C was out in a few cars so every seat was taken in
the car the gentleman was standing in. The man walked the length of the train, looking for a seat. The only seat
unoccupied was the very last one in the car, next to a well-dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her
little dog. The weary man asked, "Excuse me, ma'am, may I sit in that seat, please?" The woman looked down her nose at the young businessman, sniffed and said, "You commuters are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat? We came into the city to shop, and she’s very tired." The man walked away, determined to find a place to rest. But after another trip down to the end of the train, once again he found himself again facing the woman with the dog in the opposite seat. Again he asked, "Please, lady. Can I sit there? I'm very tired." The well-dressed woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "Not only are you rude, you are also quite arrogant. It’s not my fault some people need to work for a living. Imagine!" The man leaned against vestibule and again asked if he could please sit down. The lady replied, "Not only are you rude and arrogant, you're also very inconsiderate." The man turned away, defeated. Without warning, the man leaned over, grabbed the dog, with the other hand, slid the window down, and flung the dog out of the window of the moving train while it was still in the tunnel. He sat down in the empty seat next to the speechless woman. A veteran LIRR rider had witnessed the incident. He motioned, then remarked, "You know, sir, she was right. I want to tell you, you did the wrong thing. Your suit’s shabby, your hair’s mussed, I’m sure your car’s a jalopy, and now you’ve gone and thrown the wrong bitch out of the window" |
